Few topics are more controversial in modern Western countries – those countries whose laws and societal norms developed through the influence of the Judeo-Christian teachings – than the role of women in the family and the church. 

The apostles teaching that women are to submit to their husbands strikes many – perhaps most – as a relic of days when women were viewed as chattel. Such requirements were, the argument goes, meant to keep women in their place. These critics make similar arguments about Apostle Paul’s prohibitions against women teaching or having authority over men. But before we abandon the Scriptural admonitions, we should at least consider these teachings in context and evaluate whether the evidence indicates they are erroneous. 

Jesus Does What?

Let’s start with a discussion of hierarchal structures. In I Corinthians 11:3, Paul writes:

But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. (NASB)

For the moment focus on what this passage tells us about Jesus. The Eternal One who created everything ever created (John 1:1–3) exists in a role of submission to the “first” member of the Trinity, God the Father. This is the same Jesus who says that He and the Father are one (John 10:30) and who is the exact representation of God and who is above all other authorities in heaven and on earth (Colossians 1:15–20). Paul’s teaching is consistent with Jesus’ attitude during His earthly ministry (Matthew 26:39; John 5:30; John 17:4). Hierarchical structures, therefore, are not indicative of worth or status. Rather, they exist for another reason. What would this reason be? 

“Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!”

I will mention the first reason in passing, since it is a bit mysterious and would require a lengthy discussion. Hierarchies exist as an illustration of the relationship between God the Father and God the Son, Jesus Christ. When we submit our wills to God-ordained hierarchical structures, we reflect the character of Christ. 

The more obvious Scriptural reason hierarchies exist is for our good. Paul reminds us “God is not a God of confusion but of peace….” (I Corinthians 14:33) The confusion and turmoil of anarchy is destructive to humans generally but particularly to the most vulnerable. Thus, children are admonished to obey their parents, so that they can live a long and happy life (Ephesians 6:1–3), and citizens are commanded to obey governing authorities because the government “is a minister of God to you for good.” (Romans 13:4) 

Okay, one may say, but of what value is hierarchy for adults in a consensual relationship like marriage. Well, that depends upon how one defines “consensual relationship.” If one adopts the modern definition in which marriages are an “as long as we both shall love,” then the answer is very little. However, if one accepts the Lord Jesus’ definition of marriage (Matthew 19:1–9), then the benefit is immeasurable. Simple practicality requires married couples to have some system for resolving irreconcilable disputes. Where no system exists, the marriage will dissolve to the detriment of the couple and their children. Ideally, perhaps, compromise would suffice, but in cases where compromises is impossible someone has to submit their desires to that of the other partner. Put another way, someone is going to be responsible for the decision. The Bible places this responsibility squarely upon husbands’ shoulders (Ephesians 5:22–33), and they will have to give an account for how they fulfilled that responsibility. 

You Expect Me to Do That?

Lest women think the Lord Jesus is making unreasonable demands upon them, I encourage them to ponder this: why do you think it unremarkable that Jesus commands your husband to love you as He loved the church? I’ll take a shot at the answer. It is unremarkable because you rightly expect your husband to love you.

However, your expectation is quite unnatural. Husbands loving their wives is not a commonly accepted precept in cultures where Christianity is not the dominate influence. Indeed, the fact that we think it “normal” is a testament to Christianity’s influence in our society. As my Western Civ instructor pointed out, the Gentiles to whom Paul originally wrote lived in a culture where men felt no obligation to love their wives. The wives held a privileged position of bearing the husband’s heirs but was not necessarily the focus of his affection or the person who excited his sexual desires.

Today the command for wives to submit to their husbands is shocking; however, that teaching was passé in Paul’s day. The real shocker was, “Husbands love your wives.” Many a husband probably thought, “You expect me to do that?!?” while being elbowed by their wife as Paul’s letter was read to the congregation. 

Interestingly, wives are never commanded to love their husbands, although older women are to teach younger women to do so (Titus 2:3–5). This is not an oversight but an acknowledgement of the natural strength of women to love their husbands. This becomes all the easier for women with husbands practice godly leadership within the family. Being placed in leadership gives husbands no rights of tyranny. 

Sex Roles within the Church

Paul writes women are not “to teach or exercise authority over a man” (I Timothy 2:12). Some contend this is simply Paul’s opinion or was a command designed to accommodate antiquated cultural mores. Such arguments do not stand up to an honest reading of the passage however. Paul cites two reasons for this prohibition. First, he references the natural order of creation: Adam was first created, then Eve. (I Timothy 2:13) This is very similar to the authority Jesus cites when teaching the Pharisees it is sinful for them to divorce their wives (Matthew 19:1–9). Second, Paul refers to the differences between men and women: “And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being quire deceived fell into transgression.” (I Timothy 2:14)